The Ballad Of The Nerf Caller

I am a mighty hero, the greatest in the land,
Through Azeroth I ride, an epic in my hand,
Evildoers I have seen, and I have slain them all,
An army of my guild-mates are at my beck and call,
Even Illidan and Kael'thas are fearful of my name,
But I still have a problem, which here I shall explain.

My UI is the most impressive you will ever see,
I have a dozen macros bound to each and every key,
I studied martial arts under an ancient Chinese master,
It's clear that my reflexes could not be any faster,
My connection is so quick I see you before you log in,
And so when I engage in battle, I expect to win.

I bravely charge my enemy upon my mighty steed,
Activate my abilities with superhuman speed,
But somehow, inexorably, I watch my health descend,
To zero, then I corpse run, and I try to comprehend,
How this can be, and then my faith in Blizzard becomes soured,
Because it seems they've made all other classes overpowered.

The druid catches me with roots, I cannot even move,
They stun me with a war stomp since they have such mighty hooves,
When an owl hits me with starfire, I simply must despair,
My weapons cannot penetrate the armour of a bear,
And then my corpse lies broken, they turn into a tree,
And simply cast rejuvenate, they're back at full HP.

The hunter class in PVP, seems to do very well,
Their cursed pet hits me so fast I cannot cast a spell,
I get stuck in a freezing trap, and brace myself for pain,
They're always 40 yards from me, hiding behind terrain,
They also fond of turning very big and very red,
Then they're immune to everything, and I will soon be dead.

The mage can go invisible, of them I see no trace,
Until a pyroblast flies through the air and melts off half my face,
Masters of the elements, they frost nova and blink,
Then laugh and polymorph me, while they sit and have a drink,
At least I can take comfort that they didn't just kill me,
But also all my allies with their awesome AOE.

With plate, heals and auras, paladins are the blessed class,
I'm stunned with hammer of justice, they proceed to kick my ass,
With savage holy damage, that I cannot resist,
Swinging a giant weapon in their powerful plate-gloved fist,
And even if by some miracle their health drops below half,
The paladin has naught to fear, they simply bubble hearth.

The priest he sits in shadow form, and much to my alarm,
Fears me across the map when I try to do him harm,
The damage of this class, is really quite unmatched,
And vampiric embrace heals him if I cause even a scratch,
With blessed resilience and pain suppression I ask what chance have I?
He shields and heals himself to full, he simply cannot die.

The rogue is the sneakiest of them all, they travel round in stealth,
And typically one-shot me, as soon as I'm at low health,
Evasion and cloak of shadows means they're almost never killed,
They stun-lock me from full to nothing regardless of their build,
If there is a slight danger that the rogue might meet his end,
It's time for him to vanish, and then come back with some friends.

The shaman is underpowered, or so they like to claim,
They kite me around with frost shock, and then lightning bolts they chain,
With bloodlust or heroism they cast at blazing speed,
And they can reincarnate, though they seldom have the need,
For they summon a forest of totems, I simply cannot hit them all,
And their mighty windfury weapon buff assures that I will fall.

And then I get chain feared, does the torment never stop?
A warlock approaches, and I'm hit by many dots,
His staff is a good one, and I'm forced to look it over,
As his succubus seduces me, a deadly demonic lover,
With volleys of fire and shadow, they have powers beyond compare,
And a death coil knocks me away if approach them I should dare.

The warrior is another class I really do not like,
Since how can I be healed when I'm hit by mortal strike?
I cannot flee after they have debuffed me with hamstring,
And once I'm down to 20%, it's execute they're spamming,
Even if they have no rage I cannot take their hits,
For the warrior is the master of 3k white damage crits.

And so I post upon these forums, with a single simple request,
There are some issues with your game, I know that I'm the best,
There is just one solution, as all can clearly see,
I implore you Blizzard, nerf everyone else, buff me.